Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Randomize
