I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
