Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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