i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think my vagina is haunted
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
