Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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