dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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