the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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