I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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