I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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