I just pynch a tree in the face
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
