For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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