not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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