How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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