They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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