I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
