omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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