im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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