is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
