maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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