I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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