My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
