doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
