We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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