at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
