well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
