On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
