I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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