Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
