i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
