oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
