yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
