Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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