Tell her she can't have a vagina
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
