if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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