I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He passed out mid-signature
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, beer. Big fan.
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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