I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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