Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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