I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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