Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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