I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
