Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
