I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
