i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
