i permit you to call me
Your tits are I can't wait for
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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