Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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