Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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