NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
