I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
