When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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