WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
