I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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