Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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