my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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