Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
