can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
