Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
