so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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