Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
