my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
