dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
