Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
